I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
