How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
