sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
