you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
