weddingsv make me drug and hornr
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
