sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
