1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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