She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
