wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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