walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
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Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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