Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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