You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
