the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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