how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
