he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
