Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
