what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
