I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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