Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
