I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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