do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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