I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You work out of a Hotel?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
