either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
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I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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