guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
