summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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