But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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