as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
