The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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