she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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