Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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