there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
