i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Less talking, more tequila
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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