i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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