Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
