My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
