Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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