Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
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I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
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I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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