i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
