It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
