You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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