Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Shame - the story of my life.
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