Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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