You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
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What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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