I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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