just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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