omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
