im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you would pick up someone in the library
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
