so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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