Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
