did you get engaged???
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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