So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
