R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
