she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
