i need an iv and a liver transplant
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
