Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
