when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
