You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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