i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
