oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I look better un-naked...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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