Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You're earring is so big in my mouth
why do cheetos always look like penises
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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