walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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