But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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