Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
