this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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