I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
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I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
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I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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