Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
