clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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