My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
