My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
