also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
