ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
