I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
