there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
