Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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