Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
