dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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