Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Nicole vs. Life
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
