That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
