I just gift wrapped bread.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
