He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
