she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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