My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
