I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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