I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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